One of the things that I found irksome about monastic life was the liturgical calendar. There were aspect I enjoyed, like learning about the saints, but there were emotional demands that I found annoying.For example, Lent is a time for reflection, penance, repentance and self denial,

The liturgical calendar is just one example of how there are social expectations that we will feel specific emotions on demand.

One of the many reasons I do not own a Television is that I do not like to be emotionally manipulated by commercials, 'news' or programs. I prefer to have authentic feelings that are generated by real people, in real situations that are part of my everyday life, I have found that reality is much more enjoyable when I do not have the influence of created / pseudo / augmented / virtual reality that often becomes a comparison and contract with the reality of my everyday life.

There is enough social pressure in the reality of daily life without the added writer generated soc…

To Succeed

I am still constantly amazed and saddened at just how many homeless there are here in Salt Lake.

When one opens up and begins to feel the burdens and the depth of needs in so many hopeless people, it feels incredibly overwhelming and desperately heartbreaking. I now find it easy to understand why so many become so disengaged - it just feels like way too much of a burden to deal with.

With 'Operation Rio Grande' underway and the subsequent arrests during phase one (well over 1200 in less than a month) 'the homeless' are becoming less visible as they spread out around the city, but they are still here and still need so much. The needs are truly profound.

I have been blessed in amazing ways since I started my Inner-City Mission and the blessings, in the form of a grand lesson started immediately.

Just after being called to serve, I received a late night phone call from the Bishop of the Ward where I serve (Big secret - I am actually the one being served). Bishop had a yo…

After the Trial....

I dreamt of old friends and times past last night and it lead me to reflect on where I am, how I got here and why I am here.

It is difficult for old friends to understand the seemly drastic changes in my heart and in my life over the past four years and there is no real way to help them understand that does not seem odd. At times, I myself wake up in the morning with a life so different from the ones I have known before, I too need a moment to remember what I have experienced that has lead me to the Salt Lake City and invoked so many drastic changes in my life.

After my baptism and as changes started to come in my daily routine and I started to spend more time in the Church, with missionaries, and in my church callings, I had less time available to do the things I had done previously. I had less time for "fun" and friends. Less time for the recovery meetings I had attended for so long and less desire for the activities that once gave me 'pleasure'. To outsiders thes…


The creator, God, gives. That is what he does. He gives life, sustains life, he grants eternal life. He desires to give and in order to give there must be a receiver. We are that receiver. So in each of us is a created desire to receive. We were created with that desire so that we could receive what God has to give.

We have lots of desires and many of us spend a great deal of time asking to have our desires fulfilled by God. This is the baseline of our relationship with God. He desires to give, we desire to receive.

So if God's desire is to give and our desire is to receive then it seems a perfect relationship, but that is not true because we are here not to just continually receive. God is complete, we are 'broken' into pieces. We are here to learn and grow, we are here to become like and become one with the Father.

At it's simplest form, we are here to learn how to have the desire to give. A desire to receive cannot create, it only takes, but the desire to give can …

One Year Later: BOS>SLC

I have now been a resident of Salt Lake City Utah for a year. It does not seem possible, but 10 days ago was the anniversary of my arrival to Zion.

This has been an amazing year, one worthy of reflection.

Divesting myself of all the things I coveted for most of my life was a challenge and that came first. There are two primary dimensions of this command I feel came directly from the Lord, that have been important lessons - life changing lessons - that are worth sharing.

Value - much of my life the things in my life have offered a perceived value. A value that not only provided a sense of future security ('Well, if I get desperate I can sell___") but also as sense of self worth and worldly worth to others. Legends of the value of my things, handed down to me from predecessors, from sales people, worldly perspectives and some self generated, added weight to the perceived value of these things. What I have learned is that value (worth) is more a subjective perception than an obj…

Three Seeking to be One

The number three is a number that I have always felt a connection with. Throughout history the number 3 has been considered a sacred number in many religions and throughout philosophy. 
Pythagoras considered 3 to be the first true number, the number of harmony. Three is the first number that forms a geometrical figure, the triangle, three is the number of time (past, present, future). We are on the third planet from the sun. There are seemly countless referrals and connections to the number three. 
In Christianity alone there are many; the Godhead is made of three beings, The Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, Three wise men came to Jesus at his birth, they brought three gifts, Jesus' ministry lasted for three years, Peter denied Jesus three times, Jesus was placed on the cross on the third hour of the day, he died at the 9th hour (3pm), there were 3 hours of darkness that covered the last while Jesus was suffering on the cross, Jesus rose from the dead on the thir…

Past Errors Into Future Wisdom

There have been times in my life when looking at my life from an observer's perspective, it appeared as though I was in the wrong place, possibly doing the wrong thing. But as I look back and as I have experienced, I have come to understand that what may have appeared to be very wrong in one moment, can indeed, be very right over time.

The greatest example of this is found in the story of 'the Fall' of Adam and Eve. From an observer's point of view the Fall of man appears to be a tragic event that not only separates us from God but it condemns mankind to death and changed our good nature into one that has become evil continually. But we know that the Fall is integral part of Heavenly Father's plan and was necessary for us to have the capacity to learn and grown, to know good from evil and for us, the children of Adam and Eve, to even exists.

The seemly wrong action of Eve and Adam has been made right.

“And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not hav…